Pinewood Design

The 29th Olympics of the modern era is officially under way.

Chinese President Hu Jintao declared the Games open just after 1630 BST during a spectacular ceremony inside Beijing’s Bird’s Nest stadium.

Some 90,000 spectators gathered to see the extravaganza.

And a worldwide audience of up to four billion was watching the event on television.

A colourful, tightly-choreographed hour-long opening show portrayed China’s colourful history from ancient dynasties to modern superpower.

The parade of over 10,000 athletes was the culmination of a spectacular ceremony which saw the the Games of the XXIX Olympiad launched in stunning fashion.

Earlier, a burst of multi-coloured fireworks lit up the skyline around Beijing to herald the start of the ceremony.

“Friends have come from afar, how happy we are,” thousands of drummers chanted before the fireworks were set off.

Drumming up interest: Performers in the opening ceremony

At 8:08 and eight seconds local time, on the 8-8-2008 (can you guess China’s lucky number?), a mighty barrage of fireworks (made in China presumably) signalled the start of the spectacular showpiece in the Bird’s Nest stadium.

In a display which owed more to a CGI Hollywood blockbuster than a sporting event the 90,000 spectators were treated to battalions of performers drumming on what appeared to be thousands of coffee tables with new-rave lightsticks.

The iconic Olympic Rings, made up of thousands of fairylights, were suspended above the in-field before a tiny schoolgirl sang the Chinese national anthem before a few more thousand kilos of gunpowder lit up the night sky.

Times table: The drummers were a spectacular sight

The spectacular continued with 29 giant firework ‘footprints’ – representing the number of modern Olympic Games – from the centre of Beijing to the stadium.

Later the teams carried their flags into the stadium – with the British no doubt already wondering how the hell they are going to top this in London in 2012.

Taking flight: The Olympic Rings rose above the stadium

The sheer scale of the ceremony – a total of 10,300 performers took part – must have made it a daunting sight for the observers from the London 2012 organising committee.

The cost of the event must have been staggering, too, but the Chinese authorities have refused to say what the total bill for the opening ceremony is.

From SKY NEWS & METRO

Making an entrance: Team GB enter the stadium

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written by Pinewood Design \\ tags: 2008, 29th, athletes, Beijing, Bird's Nest, ceremony, Games, Olympic, Opening, Spectacular, stadium

Ok so ive just seen the new Orangina advert, SLUTY ANIMALS ADVERTISE ORANGE PULPY THING!

Here’s the full length version of FFL Paris’ latest Orangina spot, “Naturally Juicy”. Naughty dancing furries!

Produced by Psyop & The Mill via Stink. See for ur self.

right, it’s not the french or orangina that does anthro, here is another example, for the brave:

written by Pinewood Design \\ tags: ad, animals, Beastiality, Naturally Juicy, Orangina, Psyop, sexy, Stink, The Mill

Christian was a lion purchased in 1969 by two Australians living in London from Harrods for around £263 – they decided to keep him in their flat and let him run around in a local graveyard to play but, when his food bills became in the excess of £300 per week, they decided they needed to let him into the wild, they did so successfully and 1 year on they wanted to revisit him, they were told he would not remember them, this is what happened. The reunion lasted until the next morning when everyone went to bed. According to Rendall that was the last anyone saw of Christian

written by Pinewood Design \\ tags: Christian, Reunited, The Lion

Heres The Lyrics TO:

Bum bum be-dum bum bum be-dum bum (What’s wrong with me ?)
Bum bum be-dum bum bum be-dum bum (Why do I feel like this ?)
Bum bum be-dum bum bum be-dum bum (I’m going crazy now)
Bum bum be-dum bum bum be-dum bum

No more gas in the rear
Can’t even get it started
Nothing heard, nothing said
Can’t even speak about it
all my life, all my head
Don’t want to think about it
Feels like I’m going insane
Yeah

It’s a thief in the night
To come and grab you
It can creep up inside you
And consume you
A disease of the mind
It can control you
It’s too close for comfort

Put on your break lights
Were in the city of wonder
Ain’t gonna play nice
Watch out you might just go under
Better think twice
Your train of thought will be altered
So if you must faulter be wise
Your mind is in disturbia
It’s like the darkness is the light
Disturbia
Am I scaring you tonight ?
Your mind is in disturbia
Ain’t used to what you like
Disturbia
Disturbia

Bum bum be-dum bum bum be-dum bum
Bum bum be-dum bum bum be-dum bum
Bum bum be-dum bum bum be-dum bum
Bum bum be-dum bum bum be-dum bum

Faded pictures on the wall
It’s like they talkin to me
Disconnect unknown calls
The phone don’t even ring
I gotta get out
Or figure this shit out
It’s too close for comfort

It’s a thief in the night
To come and grab you
It can creep up inside you
And consume you
A disease of the mind
It can control you
I feel like a monster

Put on your break lights
Were in the city of wonder
Ain’t gonna play nice
Watch out you might just go under
Better think twice
Your train of thought will be altered
So if you must faulter be wise
Your mind is in disturbia
It’s like the darkness is the light
Disturbia
Am I scaring you tonight ?
Your mind is in disturbia
Ain’t used to what you like
Disturbia
Disturbia

Bum bum be-dum bum bum be-dum bum
Bum bum be-dum bum bum be-dum bum
Bum bum be-dum bum bum be-dum bum
Bum bum be-dum bum bum be-dum bum

Release me from this curse I’m in
Trying to remain tame
But I’m struggling
If you can go go go
I think Im going to, oh oh oh

Put on your break lights
Were in the city of wonder
Ain’t gonna play nice
Watch out you might just go under
Better think twice
Your train of thought will be altered
So if you must faulter be wise
Your mind is in disturbia
It’s like the darkness is the light
Disturbia
Am I scaring you tonight ?
Your mind is in disturbia
Ain’t used to what you like
Disturbia
Disturbia

Bum bum be-dum bum bum be-dum bum
Bum bum be-dum bum bum be-dum bum
Bum bum be-dum bum bum be-dum bum
Bum bum be-dum bum bum be-dum bum

written by Pinewood Design \\ tags: Disturbia, Rihanna, song

Invisible Streetlight emits light at nighttime by saving energy from sunlight during the day. The most innovative element of Invisible Streetlight is that it does not require a support because the flexible body in the shape of tree branch is directly installed to the trees lining a street. Installation is simple in parks and outskirts of urban centers. Also, Invisible Streetlight does not spoil scenic beauty of the surrounding areas.

More information here.

written by Pinewood Design \\ tags: Design, Invisible, Streetlight

World’s ten oldest jokes

The Dave Historical Humour study spent two months trawling the annals of history to produce the first report of its kind into the world’s oldest recorded jokes. Here is the results:

1. Something which has never occurred since time immemorial: a young woman did not fart in her husband’s lap (1900 BC – 1600 BC Sumerian Proverb Collection 1.12-1.13)

2. How do you entertain a bored pharaoh? You sail a boatload of young women dressed only in fishing nets down the Nile and urge the pharaoh to go catch a fish (An abridged version first found in 1600 BC on the Westcar Papryus)

3. Three ox drivers from Adab were thirsty: one owned the ox, the other owned the cow and the other owned the wagon’s load. The owner of the ox refused to get water because he feared his ox would be eaten by a lion; the owner of the cow refused because he thought his cow might wander off into the desert; the owner of the wagon refused because he feared his load would be stolen. So they all went. In their absence the ox made love to the cow which gave birth to a calf which ate the wagon’s load. Problem: Who owns the calf?! (1200 BC)

4. A woman who was blind in one eye has been married to a man for 20 years. When he found another woman he said to her, “I shall divorce you because you are said to be blind in one eye.” And she answered him: “Have you just discovered that after 20 years of marriage!?” (Egyptian circa 1100 BC)

5. Odysseus tells the Cyclops that his real name is nobody. When Odysseus instructs his men to attack the Cyclops, the Cyclops shouts: “Help, nobody is attacking me!” No one comes to help. (Homer. The Odyssey 800 BC)

6. Question: What animal walks on four feet in the morning, two at noon and three at evening? Answer: Man. He goes on all fours as a baby, on two feet as a man and uses a cane in old age (Appears in Oedipus Tyrannus and first performed in 429 BC)

7. Man is even more eager to copulate than a donkey – his purse is what restrains him (Egyptian, Ptolemaic Period 304 BC – 30 BC)

8. Augustus was touring his Empire and noticed a man in the crowd who bore a striking resemblance to himself. Intrigued he asked: “Was your mother at one time in service at the Palace?” “No your Highness,” he replied, “but my father was.” (Credited to the Emporer Augustus 63 BC – 29 AD)

9. Wishing to teach his donkey not to eat, a pedant did not offer him any food. When the donkey died of hunger, he said “I’ve had a great loss. Just when he had learned not to eat, he died.” (Dated to the Philogelos 4th /5th Century AD)

10. Asked by the court barber how he wanted his hair cut, the king replied: “In silence.” (Collected in the Philogelos or “Laughter-Lover” the oldest extant jest book and compiled in the 4th/5th Century AD)

see also: World’s oldest joke traced back to 1900 BC

written by Pinewood Design \\ tags: jokes, oldest, top ten, World

The world’s oldest jokes revealed by university research

By Stephen Adams, Arts Correspondent
Last Updated: 12:22AM BST 01 Aug 2008

Researchers found examples of double-entendres buried in the Codex Exoniensis, a 10th century book of Anglo-Saxon poetry held at Exeter Cathedral Photo: SAM FURLONG / SWNS

Perhaps the old jokes aren’t the best ones after all – even if the world’s most ancient gag is about that reliable stand-by: farting.

They found the wry observation in the Codex Exoniensis, a 10th century book of Anglo-Saxon poetry held at Exeter Cathedral.

It reads: “What hangs at a man’s thigh and wants to poke the hole that it’s often poked before?’ Answer: A key.”

Scouring ancient texts, researchers from Wolverhampton University found the jokes laid down in delicate manuscripts and carved into stone tablets up to three thousand years old.

Dr Paul MacDonald, a comic novelist and lecturer in creative writing, said ancient civilizations laughed about much the same things as we do today.

He said jokes ancient and modern shared “a willingness to deal with taboos and a degree of rebellion.”

“Modern puns, Essex girl jokes and toilet humour can all be traced back to the very earliest jokes identified in this research,” he commented.

Lost civilisations laughed at farts, sex, and “stupid people” just as we do today, Dr McDonald said.

But they found evidence that Egyptians were laughing at much the same thing.

“Man is even more eager to copulate than a donkey – his purse is what restrains him,” reads an Egyptian hieroglyphic from a period that pre-dates Christ.

The study, for a digital television channel, took Dr McDonald and a five-strong team of scholars more than three months to complete.

They trawled the internet, contacted dozens of museums, and spoke to numerous private book collectors in a bid to track down modern, interpreted versions of the world’s oldest texts.

The team then read the texts to find hidden jokes, double-entendres or funny riddles.

Dr McDonald said only those jokes that were amusing in an historical and modern context were included in the list.

Dr McDonald, a comic novelist and a senior lecturer in creative writing, added: “We began with the assumption that the oldest forms of jokes just would not have modern day appeal, but a lot of them do.

The world’s oldest surviving joke “is essentially a fart gag”, he said.

The 3,000-year-old Sumerian proverb, from ancient Babylonia, reads: “Something which has never occurred since time immemorial; a young woman did not fart in her husband’s lap.”

The joke has echoes of actor John Barrymore’s quip: “Love is the delightful interval between meeting a beautiful girl and discovering that she looks like a haddock.”

Dr McDonald commented: “Toilet humour goes back just about as far as we can go.”

Steve North, from Dave television, said: “What is interesting about these ancient jokes is that they feature the same old stand up comedy subjects: relationships, toilet humour and sex jokes.

“The delivery may be different, but the subject matter hasn’t changed a bit.”

From: Telegraph

See also: World’s top ten oldest jokes

written by Pinewood Design \\ tags: oldest joke, University of Wolverhampton