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Aug 01

World’s top ten oldest jokes

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World’s ten oldest jokes



The Dave Historical Humour study spent two months trawling the annals of history to produce the first report of its kind into the world’s oldest recorded jokes. Here is the results:

1. Something which has never occurred since time immemorial: a young woman did not fart in her husband’s lap (1900 BC – 1600 BC Sumerian Proverb Collection 1.12-1.13)

2. How do you entertain a bored pharaoh? You sail a boatload of young women dressed only in fishing nets down the Nile and urge the pharaoh to go catch a fish (An abridged version first found in 1600 BC on the Westcar Papryus)

3. Three ox drivers from Adab were thirsty: one owned the ox, the other owned the cow and the other owned the wagon’s load. The owner of the ox refused to get water because he feared his ox would be eaten by a lion; the owner of the cow refused because he thought his cow might wander off into the desert; the owner of the wagon refused because he feared his load would be stolen. So they all went. In their absence the ox made love to the cow which gave birth to a calf which ate the wagon’s load. Problem: Who owns the calf?! (1200 BC)

4. A woman who was blind in one eye has been married to a man for 20 years. When he found another woman he said to her, “I shall divorce you because you are said to be blind in one eye.” And she answered him: “Have you just discovered that after 20 years of marriage!?” (Egyptian circa 1100 BC)

5. Odysseus tells the Cyclops that his real name is nobody. When Odysseus instructs his men to attack the Cyclops, the Cyclops shouts: “Help, nobody is attacking me!” No one comes to help. (Homer. The Odyssey 800 BC)

6. Question: What animal walks on four feet in the morning, two at noon and three at evening? Answer: Man. He goes on all fours as a baby, on two feet as a man and uses a cane in old age (Appears in Oedipus Tyrannus and first performed in 429 BC)

7. Man is even more eager to copulate than a donkey – his purse is what restrains him (Egyptian, Ptolemaic Period 304 BC – 30 BC)

8. Augustus was touring his Empire and noticed a man in the crowd who bore a striking resemblance to himself. Intrigued he asked: “Was your mother at one time in service at the Palace?” “No your Highness,” he replied, “but my father was.” (Credited to the Emporer Augustus 63 BC – 29 AD)

9. Wishing to teach his donkey not to eat, a pedant did not offer him any food. When the donkey died of hunger, he said “I’ve had a great loss. Just when he had learned not to eat, he died.” (Dated to the Philogelos 4th /5th Century AD)

10. Asked by the court barber how he wanted his hair cut, the king replied: “In silence.” (Collected in the Philogelos or “Laughter-Lover” the oldest extant jest book and compiled in the 4th/5th Century AD)

see also: World’s oldest joke traced back to 1900 BC

written by Pinewood Design \\ tags: , , ,

Jun 25



Golden Ray photos of amazing mass migration


Magical: Golden Rays migrating in the Gulf of Mexico

Looking like giant leaves floating in the sea thousands of Golden Rays are seen here gathering off the coast of Mexico.

The spectacular scene was captured as the magnificent creatures made one of their biannual mass migrations to more agreeable waters.

Gliding silently beneath the waves they turned vast areas of blue water to gold off the northern tip of the Yucatan Peninsula.

Sandra Critelli, an amateur photographer, came across the phenomenon whilst on a whale shark expedition with the Shark Research Expeditions of Philadelphia, on the northern tip of the Jucatan Peninsula in the Gulf of Mexico. But upon seeing these leaf-like animals, her attentions were quickly switched to the school of fish commonly known as Golden Rays.


Stunning: Onlookers watch as thousands of Golden rays make their migration in the Gulf of Mexico

She said: “It was an unreal image, very difficult to describe. The surface of the water was covered by warm and different shades of gold and looked like a bed of autumn leaves gently moved by the wind.

“It’s hard to say exactly how many there were but in the range of a few thousand.

“We were surrounded by them without seeing the edge of the school and we could see many under the water surface too.

“I feel very fortunate I was there in the right place at the right time to experienced nature at his best.”

Measuring up to 7ft (2.1 metres) from wing-tip to wing-tip, Golden rays are also more prosaically known as cow nose rays.


Arc: The rays, swimming in a long line, was spotted by amateur photographer Sandra Critelli

They have long, pointed pectoral fins that separate into two lobes in front of their high-domed heads and give them a cow-like appearance.

Despite having poisonous stingers they are known to be shy and non-threatening when in large schools.

The population in the Gulf of Mexico migrates, in schools of as many as 10,000, clockwise from western Florida to the Yucatan.


The great ocean migration… thousands of stingrays swim to new seas


Close up: The rays, properly known as Cow-nosed Stingrays, are known because of their bovine-like high-domed heads


written by Pinewood Design \\ tags: , , , ,

Jun 19

IE Sends Mozilla a New Cake for Firefox 3

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From: http://www.arcanology.com/2008/06/17/ie-sends-mozilla-a-new-cake-for-firefox-3/

IE Sends Mozilla a New Cake for Firefox 3

June 17, 2008 at 4:17 pm 
Filed Under Humor, Mozilla, Technology
35519 people have read this post.

Sean from Microsoft came by just a few minutes ago to drop off a cake for the Internet Explorer team. As people may recall, the IE team sent Mozilla a cake after Firefox 2 shipped and it seems that they wanted to continue the tradition.

Sean and I used to work together and I happened to be the one that saw him as he came in so he presented the cake to me and John Lilly and we then took it around to staff. I think people found it amusing and the “E” portion of the Firefox 2 cake, which is preserved in our freezer to this day, was pulled out for comparison. I must say, the new cake is much nicer (and much less brown) than the old one.

Here are a couple of photos from Rob:

Al with Cake
Me with the Cake

Cake Closeup
Closeup of the Cake

Dont eat it !!!  Poison. The oldest trick in the book……

LoL, Honestly I thought it was nice The IE team sent them a cake. It shows good sportsmanship on their part – Coder to coder (not company to company) – in this competitive world of online browsers.

BTW, Kudos to The Firefox Team for the number of downloads!!

written by Pinewood Design \\ tags: , , , ,

Jun 17

Did you ever wanna build your own city? Maybe you love dogs dressed in bee suits? How about repenting, but this time, the easy way? These 10 useless sites serve absolutely no obvious purpose but are nonetheless a pretty entertaining, funny, and strangely enjoyable waste of time.

My Mini City

My Mini City is a site where you can build your own miniature city, oddly enough. Name your city, and watch it grow. Every time someone goes to your city’s page, your population grows. As your population grows so does your city.

You Fail

If you want to go to a site with a catchy theme song and a clear message, this is for you. This site seems as though it was designed to send as an insult to your friends, and it accomplishes its job very well. You Fail is only one page with three bold red letter words set to music. (Note: I am not to be held accountable for loss of friendship.)

Bee Dogs

This site contains various pictures of dogs in bee costumes. Yes, this sight is completely random and off-the-wall, but aren’t they just soo cute. If you love dogs, and you love bee costumes, and you love dogs in bee costumes you will probably really love this sight.

Huge Numbers

This site, like You Fail, is only one page, but unlike You Fail, this site contains one number. It is definitely for all those people on a quest to see really huge numbers. We could all use a site like this…or maybe not!

I Has A Bucket

Another unique page, this site tells the tale of a walrus and his bucket. His bucket has got taken away from him and he may have to deal with the emotional pain for the rest of his life. OK, so maybe not- but it is still a rather hilarious site. Facebook linkage included.

IGod

This site is designed so you can repent to, make fun of or ask questions of god. This site is actually hilarious and is a great time waster, with many clever words and phrases. Do your self a favor and go to this site. Repenting made easy.

Digits of Pi Song

That’s right! With this site, your persistent dream to hear the pi song has become a reality. What do you MEAN you never thought about pi as being a song before? Well, no matter, in any case here it is. Can you sing all the digits of pi with this catchy melody?

Can you Tell the Difference?

This site claims that you will confuse the items on the page. Go ahead then, take the strangest multiple choice test in the world!

Pikachizer

Yes, now you can understand the language spoken by everyone’s favorite Pokemon. Just type in the word or phrase you want pikachized – and “blamo” you now know how to say it in Pikachu.

This Peanut Looks Like a Duck

This site is exactly that — a picture of a peanut that looks like a duck. It may be the most useless site I have come across so far. I think it’s brilliant.

Super Bad

superbad.com is probably the most insane, useless but entertaining way to spend 5-10 minutes of your life. Its all a bunch of links through pages with trippy images that make no sense at all. It can only be described by me as a maze of mental retardation.

(Btw, it was made years before the movie was produced. I have yet to see the film but if there is any connection, the website was the original)

Old Timey Boxer Riverdancing

It slays me

ZOMBO

This is Zombo com, welcome to Zombo com, you can do anything here Zombo com, yes, this is Zombo  com!! …… This is Zombo com, welcome to Zombo com, you can do anything here Zombo com, yes, this is Zombo com!! ……

Is It Christmas?

Whole website only one word:  NO

Can’t wait to see ‘yes’ next christmas…….

most useless sites ever…

written by Pinewood Design \\ tags: , , , , ,

Jun 13


Cloud-making machine makes a peace sign 

When one-time magician Francisco Guerra decided to float an idea he really pulled a rabbit out of the hat – a cloud-making machine.

The clouds, or ‘Flogos’, come in any shape you want, from Mickey Mouse to the Olympic rings.
They are made of soap and gases, such as helium, which allow them to fly off and retain their puffy texture.
They will fly for miles,’ said Mr Guerra. ‘They are durable so they last a while.’


Cloud-making machine makes a child figure

Depending on the weather and the formula used, the Flogos can last from a few minutes to more than an hour.

They can fly up to 48km (30 miles) and go as high as 6km (four miles) but normally the little clouds level out at about 150m (500ft).

His machines can pump out your flying logo at a rate of one every 15 seconds.

The clouds can be made in 60cm (2ft) or 90cm (3ft) sizes but a 1.8m (6ft) generator is in the pipeline.

Current designs are only available in white but Mr Guerra plans to add colour options from next year.


Cloud-making machine makes the Olympics sign

Mr Guerra, whose US company Snowmakers creates weather effects for Hollywood movies, insisted Flogos are environmentally friendly because the soaps that make up the foamy shapes are plant-based.

‘Eventually a Flogo just evaporates in the air. It does not pollute the skies,’ he said.

‘They’re safer than mass balloon launches where the fragments pollute the environment and are dangerous to wildlife.’

The proto-clouds have also been cleared by the authorities of being a hazard to aeroplanes.

FROM: METRO

written by Pinewood Design \\ tags: , , ,

Jun 03

London Tube Circle Line drinking binge leader is City banker

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Bubble’s burst: organiser of the drinking ban protest Alexandre Graham in party mood on Saturday night

The organiser behind the Tube drinking ban protest is a London banker, Newspaper revealed today.

Alexandre Graham, 26, who works for the Royal Bank of Scotland, set up the Saturday night “Circle line party – last day of drinking on the Tube” which ended in violent clashes and 17 arrests.

Today Mr Graham, of Fulham who now fears for his job, said he did it because a female friend who worked in a senior position for former mayor Ken Livingstone lost her job following Boris Johnson’s election victory. It was one of several parties which spiralled out of control after being organised through the Facebook website.

YouTube Preview Image

Thousands swamped the Circle line. Drunken mobs fought with Tube staff and police and vandalised train carriages. Mr Graham said: “The point of it [the party] was just to make fun of how ridiculous the ban is.”

YouTube Preview Image
Circle Line Tube Party – Liverpool Street – 31/05/08

written by Pinewood Design \\ tags: , , , , , , , , , , ,

May 29

By GARY O’SHEA    Published: 29, May, 2008

A UFO exploded in mid air – showering a small Vietnamese island with metal-like debris.

The unidentified flying object is NOT believed to be a plane as none have been reported missing in the area.

Investigators are working on the theory the explosion happened five miles above the ground.

A search of Phu Quoc island off southern Vietnam uncovered shards of grey “metal” up to four feet long.

UFO over vietnam
Unexplained explosion … map showing island

Soldiers combed the area for clues yesterday as airlines in Vietnam, Cambodia and Thailand insisted none of their aircraft were missing in the area.

Villagers in the nearby Cambodian province of Kampot said on Tuesday that they had heard a loud explosion.

A day later they found chunks of material near the coastline.

After the explosion Kung Mony, of Cambodia’s Air Force, claimed it could have been a foreign plane but he later backed down from the theory. One explanation could be that the plane was a military one – but none of the nearby countries has admitted to losing any aircraft.

Another report from The SUN  Published: 28 May 2008

A UFO has EXPLODED in mid-air over a southern Vietnamese island, according to reports.

Villagers say they heard a loud blast yesterday and later found shards of metal near the island’s coastline.

The sensational revelations come one day after neighbouring Cambodia’s air force retracted a report of a mysterious plane crash.

The Vietnam News Agency said residents of Phu Quoc island, six miles off the coast of the Cambodian province of Kampot, found shards of grey metal, including one 1.5metres long.  

Wreckage 

“The explosion happened at about five miles above the ground, and perhaps it was a plane, but authorities could not identify whether it was a civil or military aircraft,” the VNA claimed.

The official state news agency added that soldiers were sent out to look for the wreckage and survivors, and local authorities contacted airlines in Vietnam, Cambodia and Thailand, but received no reports of missing aircraft.

Villagers in Kampot also said they heard a loud explosion yesterday and today found small chunks of metal near their coast.

Kung Mony, deputy commander of Cambodia’s Air Force, yesterday said he had been told of a foreign plane crashing in Kampot province, but later backed off his claims of an aircraft accident.

written by Pinewood Design \\ tags: , , , ,

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